Laloo Vs Gates

Bill Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.

Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.

Gates : Have you installed Windows at home?

Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house. Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?

Laloo : OPERATION ? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.

Gates(Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.

Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased moquito problems many people are sleeping under the net. Gates: By the year 2002 India should export computer chips.

Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.

Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?

Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.

Gates(Sweating Heavily): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.

Laloo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P.

Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.

Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave. Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.

Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.

Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting. Please wait............."

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Laloos Clock

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered, "Those are LieClocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock.Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that? "

That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie. "

And whose clock is that?

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."

Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?

" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan.

 

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What happened in the Tunnel?

Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound
and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent
slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him"

Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped."

Musharraf is thinking: "Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped! me."

Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again


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Indian Hell

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "Because maintenance is so bad  that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria..."


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Us vs India Technological Advancement

Once an Indian goes to USA and meets President Bush. Bush takes him to a jungle to prove that Americans are technologically advanced.

In the jungle, Bush asks the Indian to start digging. He keeps on digging. When he reaches 100ft Bush tells him to start searching. The Indian finds a piece of wire.

Bush proudly says €œYou see; even 100 years back we had telephone€.

At this the Indian gets really annoyed.

Next year Bush comes to India. The Indian takes him to a jungle and tells him to start digging. Bush digs 100 ft and stops. The Indian tells him to continue. He digs 200ft. The Indian tells him to continue. Bush finally reaches 400ft and Indian tells him to stop. But Bush doesn€™t find anything and is annoyed.

Bush asks the Indian €œWhat did you want to prove?€.

The Indian replies € Even 400 years back we had wireless€.


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Indian Student in the US

It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrasekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, €œLet€™s begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said €œGive me Liberty, or give me Death€? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: €œPatrick Henry, 1775€³ he said.

€œVery good!€ Who said €œGovernment of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?€ Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar. €œAbraham Lincoln, 1863€³ said Chandrashekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, €œClass, you should be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.€

She heard a loud whisper: €œF**k the Indians, Who said that?€ she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.. €œGeneral Custer, 1862.€

At that point, a student in the back said, €œI€™m gonna puke.€

The teacher glares around and asks €œAll right! Now, who said that?€

Again, Chandrasekhar says, €œGeorge Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.€

Now furious, another student yells, €œOh yeah? S*ck this!€

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, € Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!€

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said €œYou little shit. If you say anything else, I€™ll kill you.€

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, €œGary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.€

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, €œOh shit, we€™re f**ked!€

And Chandrasekhar said quietly, €œGeorge Bush, Iraq, 2005


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