Political Viruses

The following is the list of some new viruses going round in India.  Better beware of them.

  P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus:

  First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before
  executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times
  and finally does nothing.

 

  V.P. Singh Virus:

  This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them
  only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used
  instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions.
  This virus is also known as social justice virus.

 

  Sukh Ram Virus:

  This virus first swallows 10% of the bits in each instruction and
  then executes them.

 

  Maneka Gandhi Virus:

  This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were
  written by vegetarians or animals.

 

  L.K. Advani Virus:

  This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can
  continue working is by typing Jai Shri Ram 108 times.

 

  K.P.S. Gill Virus:

  Only ladies need to worry about this virus.Every now and then the
  users get a whack, you know where.

 

  Phoolan Devi Virus:

  This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page
  faults for them. At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU*s
  birthday.

 

  Deve Gowda Virus:

  The main characterestic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all
  the processes at the same time. This virus services all the request
  for resources,and allocates them irrespective of whether they are
  available or not.

 

  Jayalalitha Virus:

  This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus
  family grab as much of hard disk space as possible,while the main virus is
  totally unaware of it. When everything stops working,this virus
  blames the user for the whole chaos.

 

  I.K.Gujral Virus:

  Before executing any instruction, this virus calls tries to get the
  approval of 18 other viruses and most of the time, one of the viruses
  blocks the instruction. So Gujral virus most of the time does not
  execute anything. While it is not doing anything, as it is always,
  this virus connects to the Internet and keeps sending data to all
  major/minor countries in the World except India w/o receiving the
  replies.

 

  Veerappan virus:

  This virus plays hide and seek. it captures some resources and
  releases them after sometime. it sometimes seems to be eradicated but
  suddenly reappears.

 

  Laloo Yadav virus:

  A dangerous virus, gulps all the resources as well as it corrupts the
  data. If you try to use scanner, During hibernation,it will rename
  its signature with another deadly virus of the same family. This virus
  takes help from other viruses to avoid scanning.

 

  Mulayam Virus:


  Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system, it's only
  task is to abort BJP processes. this virus hangs the system by
  sending conflicting signals to different hardware units.

 

  Sonia Gandhi Virus:


  Once a part of most deadly virus family of the world. No scanner can
  detect now, how much damage it can cause to the system, but people
  use Bofors scanner for temporary protection.

 

  Kashi-Maya Virus:

  It's also called the Dalit virus, it destabilizes the co-ordination
  amongst different resources, It controls & steps the low priority
  resources from functioning. Lot of scanners available now to kill it.
  Other viruses are thriving by splitting this virus.

Read more: Political Viruses

Indian Political Maths

An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the

senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed

by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked

"How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"

The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.

"Can you see the river?"

"Yes"

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

"Of course", said the minister.

"10 percent", said the senator smugly.



Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian

minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his

house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had

built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.

"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in RS?', he asked.

The minister called him to the window.

"See the river over there?"

"Sure", cried the senator.

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said -

"No, I don't see any bridge."

"100 percent", said the minister !!

Read more: Indian Political Maths

Plight of Jayalalitha

A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in Chennai. He's stopped in  traffic and thinks, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual we're not even moving." 
     
      He notices a police officer walking down thehighway in between the cars and he rolls down his window and says,"Excuse me officer, what's the hold up?"
     
     "Jayalalitha just found out the verdict, and she's all depressed. She's lying down in the middle of the highway and she's threatening to douse  herself in gasoline and light herself on fire. She just doesn't have Rs.85 Crores for the tax dues. I'm walking around taking up a collection for her"
      
     The man says,"Oh really, how much have you got so far."
     
     "So far....ten litres."

Read more: Plight of Jayalalitha

If Sonia Gandhi became PM of India

Top Ten list ...If Sonia Gandhi becomes the Prime Minister....

        10.There will be branches of Olive Garden all over India
       and they will be called OZinda Bagicha!!

       9. Their only vegetarian dish will be Eggplant Parmesan and
        it will be called Anda-Pauda Parmeshwaran!!

       8. All Vadapav Gaadis and Stalls will be selling Pizza and
        Pasta.

       7. India's National Sport will be - Ofcourse Soccer.

       6. Laloo will lose his position as the national animal and
        will be replaced by Jayalalitha!

        5. National vegetable-Zucchini

        4. There will be Pope John Paul's 'yearly' visit - twice
        every year!!

        3. Jahangir Art gallery will be renamed to "Michaelangelo's
       Confetti  house"!!

        2. Men in Indian Army will wear Mini Skirts!!

        And ...the number one thing that will happen if Sonia
        Becomes the Prime Minister of India is.....

       1.All Sindhi People will get promotions in their positions
        because she thinks they are all ITALIANS!! (Kotwani, Multani, Vaswani
       ......resemble Mussolini, Gianini, Benini etc.....*Kulkarni
        also have a fair chance*...)

Read more: If Sonia Gandhi became PM of India

If Laloo became PM of India

Laloo becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes
to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif.They decide to meet without
aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes.


Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement.
"Nawazbhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo will say. Nawaz Sharif
comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims
on Kashmir, with no strings attached!

The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had
failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press
clamours.

"Sab akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," (All because of the Akai company people)
says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge doonga, video
khareedein to cellphone free (They give fridge free if you buy TV, cellphone
free if you buy VCR )... tho ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye: "aapko Kashmir
chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!" (SO, I said
to Nawazbhai - "You want Kashmir, right? Take it. But you will get Bihar free
with it!")

Read more: If Laloo became PM of India

Russian Jet in India

When the Indians were being delivered their new fleet of fighter jets, an instructor espically came from Russia to explain the Indidan Air Force & Army the simplictiy of the operation of the planes (from Russia because India buys their planes from Russia) .

So when the first plane was delivered, the instructor told the Indian Army " this has 3 buttons, the one on the top is to take off, the one on the left_inner is to go left_inner and the one on the right is to go right."

The soldiers nodded in understanding. But one soldier raised his hand and asked " But sir, how will we get down?"


The instuctor replied "Oh ! Leave that to the Pakistanis".

Read more: Russian Jet in India