Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 11

1. Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were talking about a neighbour. "I have never heard a man talk so
fast in all my life," said the wife. "THAT ' S NOT SURPRISING, " said Nasrudin. "HIS FATHER
WAS A POLITICIAN AND HIS MOTHER WAS A WOMAN. "


2. The doctor was giving some bad news to Mulla Nasrudin about his wife. "This is a serious case,"
the doctor said. "I hate to tell you, but your wife's mind is gone, completely gone."

"WELL, I AM NOT SURPRISED," said Nasrudin. "SHE HAS BEEN GIVING ME A LITTLE PIECE OF IT EVERYDAY
FOR FIFTEEN YEARS."


3. Invited to a party for a drink with his friends following the lodge meeting, Mulla Nasrudin said he
had to hurry home. "I can't s," he said, "I have got to go home and explain to my wife."
"Explain what?" one of his friends asked. "I DON'T KNOW," said Nasrudin, "I AM NOT HOME
YET."


4. Mulla Nasrudin fainted on the street and a crowd quickly gathered. "Give him air!" shouted a
man. "Clear the way. Hurry up someone, get him a drink!" Nasrudin's eyes fluttered open and
he gasped, "PLEASE, MAKE IT A DOUBLE MARTINI."



5. Mulla Nasrudin was talking with his neighbour over the back fence. "Was not that something,"
said the neighbour, "the way Lucy's stove exploded last night? The explosion blew her and her
husband right out of the front door into the street! " "YES, " said the Mulla. "THAT'S THE FIRST
TIME THEY HAVE GONE OUT TOGETHER IN THIRTY YEARS."


6. Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were walking past the high board fence that surrounded a
nudist colony. Nasrudin spotted a knothole and peeked in. "Hey," he shouted to his companion,
"there's a lot of people in there." "Men or women?" asked the friend. "I CAN'T TELL," said
Nasrudin. "THEY DON'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON."



7. Mulla Nasrudin's wife was sitting down to breakfast one morning when she read an
announcement of her own death in the newspaper. She quickly called Mulla Nasrudin who was
outside the town and said: "Have you read the morning paper, Mulla? And, did you see the
announcement of my death?" "YES," said Nasrudin. "WHERE ARE YOU CALLING FROM?"


8. Mulla Nasrudin had been to the state legislature. After he had spent thirty days with his fellow
legislators at the state capital, he came home for a weekend. In telling his wife about it, he
said: "I HAVE DISCOVERED ONE THING -- IT'S THE FIRST INSANE ASYLUM I HAVE EVER SEEN
THAT'S RUN BY THE INMATES."


9. Mulla Nasrudin was milking a cow, when suddenly a bull tore across the meadow toward him.
The Mulla didn't move, but kept on milking. Several men, who were watching from the next
field, were surprised when the bull sped dead within a few yards of the Mulla.

He then turned around and walked away. "Were you not afraid, Mulla?" asked the men. "OF COURSE
NOT," replied Nasrudin. "THIS COW IS HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW."



10. Mulla Nasrudin was watching the youngsters put on their horse show. He said to a bystander,
"It's terrible the way they dress today. Just look at that young boy with the cigarette, sloppy
haircut, and tight breeches."

"That is not a boy," said the other. "It's a girl and she's my daughter." "Oh, excuse me, Sir," said the Mulla. "I meant no offence. I didn't know you were her father." "I AM NOT," said the other. "I AM HER MOTHER."

Read more: Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 11

Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 10

1. Every chair in the doctor's waiting room was taken. Several people were standing. There was
no word from the doctor.

Finally, Mulla Nasrudin stood up wearily and said, "WELL, I GUESS I WILL JUST GO HOME AND DIE NATURAL DEATH."


2. Mulla Nasrudin's wife was feeling a bit sorry for herself. "You don't seem as devoted to me as
you used to," she complained. "Do you still love me?"

Nasrudin looked up from his newspaper and shouted, "YES, I STILL LOVE YOU. NOW SHUT YOUR BIG MOUTH AND LET ME READ MY PAPER."


3. "Look here," she said to Mulla Nasrudin, "Why do you always come to my house to beg?"
"Doctor's orders, lady," said the Mulla. "What do you mean, doctor's orders?" she asked.

"He told me," said Nasrudin, "THAT WHEN I FOUND FOOD THAT AGREED WITH ME, I SHOULD STICK TO IT."


4. "When I was broke," Mulla Nasrudin told his neighbour, "Harry volunteered to lend me $1000"
"Did you take it?" his neighbour asked. "NO," said Nasrudin. "THAT KIND OF FRIENDSHIP IS TOO VALUABLE TO LOSE."


5. Mulla Nasrudin and his friend were talking about their wives. "My wife is very touchy," said the friend.

"The least little thing sets her off." "You are lucky," said Nasrudin. "MINE IS A SELFSTARTER."


6. Mulla Nasrudin and his neighbour were chatting. "Yesterday, I took a girl to the coke bar in the
afternoon," said the neighbour, "and I paid for that. Then I took her to the drive-in for a hot
dog and I paid for that.

After that, I took her to a movie, and I paid for that. Then I took her to a nightclub and I paid for that. Do you think I should have kissed her goodnight, Mulla?" "NO," said Nasrudin. "I THINK YOU DID ENOUGH FOR HER FOR ONE DAY."


7. Mulla Nasrudin had listened to the encouragement of a friend who had touted a certain horse
pretty highly. The next day, after the horse had come in last, the Mulla saw the tipster and
screamed, "Brother, have I got it in for you.

That horse you told me to bet on came in last." "Last?" the fellow said. "I can't understand it. He should have been able to win that race in a
walk." "THAT'S THE WAY HE TRIED IT," said Nasrudin, "BUT HE STILL CAME IN LAST."



8. One day Mulla Nasrudin visited a large department store to buy his wife some nylon hose.
Inadvertently, he got caught in a mad rush at a counter where a bargain sale was going on. He
soon found himself being pushed and stepped on by frantic women.

He stood it as long as he could. Then with head lowered and elbows out, he plowed through the crowd. "You there!" said
a woman. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

"NOT ANY MORE," said Nasrudin. "I HAVE BEEN ACTING LIKE A GENTLEMAN FOR AN HOUR. FROM NOW ON, I AM ACTING LIKE A LADY."



9. Mulla Nasrudin and his neighbour were greeting each other. "Good morning," said the Mulla.
"You are looking fine this morning." "I am sorry I can't say the same thing for you," said the
neighbour. "YOU COULD," said Nasrudin, "IF YOU WERE AS BIG A LIAR AS I AM."


10. Mulla Nasrudin came home about midnight and threw himself on the couch in the living room.
He woke his wife up with his clumsiness and she stuck her head out of the bedroom door and
said, "Well, you finally came home.

I guess you found that your home is the best place to be this time of the night." "NOT EXACTLY," said Nasrudin, "BUT IT'S THE ONLY PLACE THAT'S OPEN AFTER MIDNIGHT."

Read more: Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 10

Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 9

1. Mulla Nasrudin's wife played bridge wisely and according to the rules. Mulla Nasrudin boasted of
knowing no rules. However, one evening, he bid and made a grand slam, doubled and
redoubled. Excitedly he said to his wife, "See, you thought I couldn't do it!" "WELL, DARLING,"
said his wife, "YOU COULDN'T HAVE, IF YOU'D PLAYED IT CORRECTLY."


2. A man and wife checked in at a resort hotel. After cleaning up, the lady forgot to turn off the
faucets in the bathroom. Half an hour later, Mulla Nasrudin, the guest in the room directly
under them, opened his window, stuck out his head and called upstairs to attract their
attention. "Hey, you up there!" shouted the Mulla.

The man upstairs opened his window and stuck out his head. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Turn off those faucets in your bathroom!"
demanded Nasrudin. "It's pouring down here. What's the matter with you? You must be a
dope." He ended his tirade with a wild outburst of profanity.

"Wait a minute," said the man upstairs. "S your cursing. I have got a lady up here." "WHAT DO YOU THINK I HAVE GOT
DOWN HERE," yelled Nasrudin, "A DUCK?"


3. Mulla Nasrudin sped the doctor on the street one summer day. "You remember when you
cured my rheumatism ten years ago, Doctor," asked the Mulla, "and told me not to get wet?"
"Y-e-s, Yes, I remember," said the doctor. "WELL, I JUST WONDERED IF YOU THINK IT'S SAFE
FOR ME TO TAKE A BATH YET," said Nasrudin.



4. The clerk was waiting on a customer, Mulla Nasrudin, at the meat counter, when a woman
pushed herself ahead of the Mulla and said, "Give me a pound Or cat food, quick, I am in a
hurry." Then she turned to the Mulla and said, I hope you don't mind my being waited on ahead
of you." "NOT IF YOU ARE THAT HUNGRY," said Nasrudin sweetly.



5. The parents-teachers association meeting was becoming rather spirited as the question
of male versus female teachers was being discussed. "I say that women make the best
teachers," said one large and noisy woman. "Where would man be if it were not for women?"
"IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN EATING WATERMELON AND TAKING IT EASY," shouted Mulla
Nasrudin from the back.


6. Mulla Nasrudin said to a man sitting next to him in a bar, "one drink always makes me drunk."
"Really?" asked the stranger, "only one?" "YES," said the Mulla. "AND IT'S USUALLY THE
SIXTH."


7. Mulla Nasrudin had just bought a dog and was bragging about his good points to a friend. "He
is not what you would call a pedigree dog," said the Mulla, "but no prowler could come near the
house without him letting us know about it."

"What does he do?" asked the friend. "Bark and arouse the neighbourhood?" "NO," said Nasrudin proudly,"HE CRAWLS UNDER THE BED."


8. Mulla Nasrudin was weeping and complaining in a bar. "I don't have anything to worry about,"
he said. "My wife takes care of my money. My mother-in-law tends to my business. ALL I HAVE
TO DO IS WORK."


9. A friend gave a bottle of cheap liquor to Mulla Nasrudin as a birthday present. Later he asked
the Mulla how it was. "It was just exactly right," said the Mulla. "What do you mean just right?"
asked the friend. "WELL," said Nasrudin, "IF IT HAD BEEN ANY BETTER YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
GIVEN IT TO ME, IF IT HAD BEEN ANY WORSE, I COULDN'T HAVE DRUNK IT."


10. Mulla Nasrudin was bragging to his friend about his family. "When I go home at night," he said,
"everything is ready for me, my slippers, my pipe, the easy chair in the corner with the light
turned on, my book open at the same place I left it the night before -- and always plenty of hot
water."

"I get all that stuff about the slippers and easy chair and book and the pipe," his friend
said, "but what about the hot water, Mulla?" "WELL," replied Nasrudin, "MY FAMILY LOVES ME.
YOU DON'T THINK THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE ME WASH DISHES IN COLD WATER, DO YOU?"

Read more: Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 9

Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 8

1. A mechanic sold a car he had fixed up and repaired to his friend, Mulla Nasrudin. The next day
he was sorry he sold it, so he went to see the Mulla. "I will buy the car back from you," he said,
"and give you fifty dollars' profit." So Nasrudin sold him the car. The following day, he looked
up the mechanic. "I am sorry I sold the car back to you," the Mulla said.

"I will give you seventy-five dollars' profit for it." So the Mulla bought the car back. The next day, the mechanic
was sorry he sold it and bought it back again, giving Nasrudin one hundred dollars profit. The
following day, the Mulla came to buy it back, but learned that the mechanic had sold it to a
used-car dealer.

"YOU DOPE! WHY DID YOU SELL IT TO A STRANGER?" said Nasrudin, "ESPECIALLY WHEN WE WERE BOTH MAKING SUCH A WONDERFUL LIVING OUT OF IT."


2. Mulla Nasrudin was drinking too much. So much that it began to worry his friends. Finally, they
figured out a plan to cure him. The plan was for one of them to dress up like a devil, with horns
and a pitchfork. They planned to scare the Mulla into giving up drink. Late one night,as
Nasrudin headed home drunk, his friend jumped from behind a tree and shouted,

"You will have to s drinking!" "Who are you?" asked the Mulla. "I am the devil," said his friend. "OH, YOU
ARE THE DEVIL," said Nasrudin. "I AM GLAD TO MEET YOU. I AM THE GUY WHO MARRIED YOUR SISTER."


3. Mulla Nasrudin was sitting under a tree chatting with a neighbour, when his boy came up the
road carrying a chicken. "Where did you get that chicken?" Nasrudin asked his boy. "Stole it,"
said the boy. Mulla Nasrudin turned to his friend and said proudly, "THIS IS MY BOY. HE MAY
STEAL, BUT HE WON'T LIE."


4. Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were lying on the green grass beside a country road.
Above them was the warm sun. Birds were singing in the trees. It was quiet, restful, and a
peaceful scene. "Boy," said the Mulla, "right now I would not change places with anybody not
for a million dollars." "How about five million, Mulla?" asked his friend.

"No, not even for five million," said the Mulla. "Well," said the other, "how about one dollar?" Mulla Nasrudin sat up.
"WELL," he said, "THAT'S DIFFERENT. NOW YOU ARE TALKING REAL MONEY."


5. "Where have you been for the last two hours?" demanded the man's wife. "I MET MULLA
NASRUDIN IN FRONT OF THE POST OFFICE AND MADE THE MISTAKE OF ASKING HIM HOW HE
WAS FEELING," said the man.



6. Mulla Nasrudin: "A pack of cigarettes, please." Clerk: "Yes, Sir, regular or king size?" Nasrudin:
"King size." Clerk: "Filter or plain?" Nasrudin: "Filter." Clerk: "Menthol or non-menthol?"
Nasrudin: "Non-menthol." Clerk: "Pack or box?" Nasrudin: "Box." Clerk: "Turkish blend or -- "
Nasrudin: "FORGET IT PLEASE! I JUST GAVE UP THE HABIT!"


7. Mulla Nasrudin limped into a doctor's office with a badly swollen ankle. "Goodness, Man," said
the doctor, after looking at Nasrudin's ankle, "how long has it been in this condition?" "About
three weeks," said the Mulla. "Why, this ankle is broken," said the doctor. "Why didn't you
come to me right away?" "Well, I sort of hesitated," said the Mulla, "BECAUSE EVERY TIME I
SAY ANYTHING IS WRONG WITH ME, MY WIFE INSISTS THAT I S SMOKING."



8. Mulla Nasrudin called on the minister and told him a distressing story of poverty and misery in
the neighborhood. "This poor widow," said the Mulla, "with four starving children to feed, is sick
in bed with no money for the doctor, and besides that she owes $100 rent for three months and
is about to be evicted. I'm out trying to help raise the rent money.

I wondered if you can help?" "I certainly can," said the minister. "If you can give your time to this cause, so can I. By the
way, who are you?" "I AM THE LANDLORD," said Nasrudin.


9. As usual, Mulla Nasrudin showed up for supper with dirty hands and a dirty face. "Go wash up,"
his wife screamed at him. "Night after night I tell you. And night after night you always come to
the table without washing.

Why don't you ever do it without my shouting at you?" "WELL," said the Mulla, "IT'S ALWAYS WORTH A TRY. WHO KNOWS? YOU MIGHT FORGET ONCE."


10. The burglar was not only carrying a mean-looking gun, he also appeared to be drunk. "Get
ready to die," he said to Mulla Nasrudin. "I am going to shoot you." "Why shoot me?" asked the
Mulla.

"I have always said that I would shoot anyone who looked like me," the burglar said.
"And do I look like you?" asked the Mulla. "Yes, you do," said the burglar. "THAN GO AHEAD AND SHOOT," said Nasrudin. "ONE LESS LIKE YOU, THE BETTER."

Read more: Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 8

Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 6

1. "Doctor," a woman said as she rushed into Mulla Nasrudin's house, "I want you to tell me
frankly, exactly what is wrong with me." Nasrudin looked her over from head to foot, then said,
"Madam, I have three things to tell you.

First, you are about fifty pounds overweight, Second, your looks would be improved if you took off several layers of rouge and lipstick. AND THIRD, I
AM NOT THE DOCTOR. THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE IS ACROSS THE STREET."



2. Mulla Nasrudin had been fishing all afternoon. A man, who had just walked up, asked him,
"How many have you caught today, Mulla?"

"Well," said Nasrudin, "IF I CATCH THIS ONE THAT'S NIBBLING, AND THEN TWO MORE, I WILL HAVE THREE."



3. Mulla Nasrudin went to see his lawyer about a divorce. "What grounds do you think you have
for a divorce?" the lawyer asked. "It's my wife's manners," said the Mulla. "She has such bad
table manners that she is disgracing the whole family."

"That's bad," the lawyer said. "How long have you been married?" "Nine years," said the Mulla.

"If you have been able to put up with her table manners for nine years, I can't understand why you want a divorce now," the lawyer said.
"WELL," said Nasrudin, "I DIDN'T KNOW IT BEFORE. I JUST BOUGHT A BOOK OF ETIQUETTE THIS MORNING."


4. "Insurance is the greatest thing in the world," the eager insurance salesman said to his
prospect, Mulla Nasrudin. "Why, I carry a $75,000 policy on my own life, payable to my wife."
"IN THAT CASE," said Nasrudin, "WHAT EXCUSE DO YOU HAVE FOR LIVING?"



5. Mulla Nasrudin was telling his wife about a dream he had experienced the night before. "It was
terrible," he said. "I was at a birthday party at Joe's house. His mother had baked a chocolate
cake three feet high, and when she cut it everybody was given a piece that was so large that it
hung over the sides of the plate.

Then she dipped up some homemade ice cream. She had so much of it that she had to give each one of us our share in a soup bowl." "What was so terrible about that dream?" asked his wife. "OH," said Nasrudin, "I WOKE UP BEFORE I COULD GET THE
FIRST TASTE."


6. It had been a real big night at the tavern. Mulla Nasrudin had to be carried back to his shack by
his friends. When he woke up the next day, he was started to see a huge ape sitting on the foot
of his bunk. He carefully reached for his 45. He took careful aim and said, "IF YOU ARE A REAL
MONKEY, YOU ARE IN A BAD FIX. BUT IF YOU ARE NOT, THEN I AM."



7. Mulla Nasrudin said to his wife, "My dear, this article says women need more sleep than men."
"Is that right? " she said . "YES, DEAR," said the Mulla, "SO MAYBE YOU'D BETTER NOT WAIT
UP FOR ME TONIGHT."



8. Mulla Nasrudin called on a psychiatrist and told him that he had problems and needed help. "I
want to talk to you," said the Mulla, "because my ethics have not been what they should be and
my conscience is bothering me." "I understand," the psychiatrist said, "and you want me to
help you build up a stronger will power, is that it?" "NO," said Nasrudin, "THAT'S NOT IT. I
WANT YOU TO TRY TO WEAKEN MY CONSCIENCE."


9. Mulla Nasrudin had lost out in the last election and was feeling sorry for himself. "I was a
victim," he said, "nothing but a victim." "A victim?, asked a friend. "A victim of what?" "A
VICTIM OF ACCURATE COUNTING," said Nasrudin.


10. A young playwright gave a special invitation to Mulla Nasrudin to watch his new play. The Mulla
came to the play, but slept through the entire performance.

The young playwright was indignant and said, "How could you sleep when you knew how much I wanted your opinion?"
"YOUNG MAN," said Nasrudin, "SLEEP IS AN OPINION."


Read more: Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 6

Mulla Nasruddin Short Jokes Collection - Part 5

 

1. Mulla Nasrudin's wife said to him at a buffet supper: "That's the fifth time you have gone back
for more fried chicken. Doesn't it embarrass you?" "NOT AT ALL," he said. "I KEEP TELLING
THEM I AM GETTING IT FOR YOU."



2. Mulla Nasrudin came up and shook hands with the future bridegroom. "Congratulations, friend,"
he said, "on this, one of the happiest days of your life." "But I am not getting married until
tomorrow," said the future bridegroom. "I KNOW," said the Mulla. "THAT'S WHAT MAKES THIS
ONE OF YOUR HAPPIEST DAYS."


3. Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were gossiping about the recent wedding scandal. "Just think," said
the wife, "it was just as the bride was coming down the aisle that the groom suddenly turned
and ran from the church and skipped town. I guess he lost his nerve." "OH, I DON'T THINK
SO," said the Mulla. "I FIGURE HE FOUND IT."


4. "Daddy, Daddy," the girl cried. "Mummy has just fallen off the roof!" "I KNOW, DEAR," said
Mulla Nasrudin. "I SAW HER PASS THE WINDOW."



5. The election was being challenged by the defeated candidate, Mulla Nasrudin. "I know it was
crooked," said the Mulla. "A FRIEND OF MINE VOTED FOR ME FIFTEEN TIMES IN THE THIRD
PRECINCT AND I DIDN'T GET BUT FOUR VOTES THERE."



6. The rival political candidates were scheduled to speak at the county fair on the same program.
Mulla Nasrudin was chosen to introduce them. He arose and said, "I want to present to you a
man who, above anyone, has the welfare of each and everyone of you at heart. More than
anyone I know, he is devoted to our great and glorious nation." Then he turned to the
candidates and asked, "WHICH OF YOU FELLOWS WANTS TO TALK FIRST?"



7. Mulla Nasrudin was complaining about the slowness of the bus to the driver. After he couldn't
stand the complaining any longer, the driver said, "If you don't like it, why don't you get out
and walk?" "I WOULD," said the Mulla, "BUT MY WIFE IS GOING TO MEET ME AND SHE
DOESN'T EXPECT ME UNTIL THIS BUS GETS THERE."



8. The new man in town told Mulla Nasrudin, "I have come out here to make an honest living."
"WELL," said the Mulla, "THERE'S NOT MUCH COMPETITION."



9. Mulla Nasrudin rushed into a bar and said breathlessly, "The usual, please, and hurry, I gotta
catch my train." The bartender set up five martinis in a row and the Mulla gulped the second,
third and fourth, leaving the first and last drinks on the bar. Then he rushed out as rapidly as
he had entered. A bystander asked the bartender why the customer left the two drinks. "Oh, he
does that all the time," said the bartender. "He says THE FIRST ONE ALWAYS TASTES
TERRIBLE AND THE LAST ONE GETS HIM IN TROUBLE AT HOME."



10. Mulla Nasrudin was complaining about his wife to a friend. "I don't know what I am going to do
about her," he said. "She has the worst memory in the world." "You mean she forgets
everything?" asked his friend. "HECK, NO," said Nasrudin. "SHE REMEMBERS EVERYTHING."


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