Khushwant Singh Short Jokes - Part 1

  1. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  2. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
  3. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  4. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
  5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  6. An irritated man : I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  7. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  8. Which side of a duck has more feathers??? The 'outside' of course
  9. Light travels faster then sound... which is why most people appear brilliant until you hear them.


Read more: Khushwant Singh Short Jokes - Part 1

Chandigarh or Jalandar

Santa was flying to Chandigarh from Pune. He was allotted a middle seat but decided to take the window seat instead, which had been allotted to an old lady.

The lady requested Santa to exchange the seats and let her sit on the seat allotted to her. He refused, saying, 'I want to see the view from the window.' The old lady complained to the air hostess who requested Santa to sit on his allotted middle seat. Santa was adamant and bluntly refused.

The air hostess went up to the co-pilot. He too came and requested Santa, but in vain.

Finally, the captain of the aircraft came. He whispered something in Santa's ears. Santa immediately vacated the window seat and took the middle seat.

Astonished, the air hostess and the co-pilot asked the captain what he had said to Santa. The captain replied: 'Nothing, I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others were going to Jalandhar.'


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Fair Exchange

When I was a youngster,' complained the frustrated father Ujaagar, I was disciplined by being confined to my room and not allowed to play with friends.

But my son has his own colour TV, telephone, computer, and CD player to keep himself amused.' 'So what do you do?' asked his friend. I send him to my room!


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Tongue of Slip

An Akali leader was fulminating against the Congress. Addressing a crowded university meeting, he thundered, 'The Congresswallahs are all waters of the first rogue.'

The audience burst into laughter over his lapse of tongue. The Akali leader realised he had made a mistake. He joined the palms of his hands to ask for pardon, I am very sorry, it is a tongue of slip.'

This time the laughter was louder than before. The gentleman that he was, the Akali leader was genuinely contrite, 'You must pardon me. I am always limiting the cross.


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Whodunit

Three men applied for the job of a detective: Santa from India, Marc Grayberg, a Jew; and Tom Silanti, an Italian.

The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon the answer. When Grayberg arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, 'Who killed Jesus Christ?' He answered without hesitation, 'The Romans killed him.' The chief thanked him and he left.

When Silanti arrived for his interview, the chief asked him the same question. He replied, 'Jesus was killed by the Jews.' The chief thanked him also and he left. Finally, Santa arrived for his interview and was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, 'Could I have some time to think about it?' The chief said, 'Ok, but get back to me tomorrow.'

When Santa arrived home, his wife asked, 'How did the interview go?' Pat came the reply, 'Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!


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Career Planning

Banto took her son Ghanta to the headmaster and said, 'Masterjee, my Ghanta thinks about a lot of things but when it comes to work, he does nothing.

What should we do for his career?'

The headmaster replied, 'Get him to apply for a job in the Planning Commission.


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