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New ICC Rules for Cricket

  1. Ricky Ponting €“ (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE.
  2.  While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 meter distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.
  3.  While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.
  4. UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.
  5. All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACISM only.
  6. MATCH REFEREE's decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFEREE's are to be given huge bonus if this rule is implemented.
  7. NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.
  8. THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - €œTHE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGTIRY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET€ more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will be played to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.

These rules will clarify better to the all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA.

Some other important points to be noted down

  • When you are going out for the toss with Mr Integrity plz check both sides of the coin. Who knows Mr Integrity might have fixed that as well.
  • When an Aussie cheater is out don€™t appeal to their team members standing near the stump & square leg. They are blind as a bat & deaf as a door post & as biased as a mother. Instead appeal to the cheater oops batsman himself by pleading with him.
  • Spend some of the endorsement money to buy expensive & cutting edge home theatre system surround sound/dts et all. Maybe then the 12th & 13th man of the oz team & their holier than thou media might I repeat might c or hear a nick. it€™s a 1000 in a 1 shot but still worth trying.
  • Sachin must share his fairy angel€™s name with Gangs & dravid. because shockingly Sachin has survived throughout this series without any blessings frm the 12th & 13th men unlike his previous series. so mayb his prayers aft 2003 series were strong enough to protect him this time around.

Indian batsmen plz plz plz don€™t even touch the ball with ur bat. Just stand their smiling leaving all the balls. coz if it hits the ball either u ll b adjudged caught behind or lbw. also don€™t come out of the crease coz u ll b adjudged stumped or run out.

Last of all instruct all ur bowlers/fielders not 2 appeal even if its clean bowled or caught near the boundary. Just turn around & start bowling the next ball. If the umpire taps the bowler on the shoulder & says son that€™s out register shock & incredulity & ask him 2 confirm with Mr Integrity if that was really out!

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