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What Cricketers talk on the pitch

At the start of the Indian innings(280 required for a win),
Ganguly to Ramesh "I am not comfortable with Akhtar's pace. So I
will attack Akram and u take care of Akhtar."
After 4 overs(with hardly any runs on the board),
Ramesh to Ganguly "These guys are bowling very fast. We will see
them off and then attack Mahmood and Saqlain."
After 13 overs(when Azhar Mahmood and Saqlain were bowling),
Ganguly to Dravid "I don't think we can score off these guys as
well. We will wait for Arshad Khan and Shahid Afridi. Surely we can easily
attack them. After all, Shahid Afridi is a part-time bowler."
After Afridi bowled some overs,
Dravid to Robin Singh "Don't worry, Robin. I heard that England
bowlers are easier to score off. We will play out 50 overs and attack in the
next match."
At the end of the match,
Joshi to Mongia "Why didn't u try to force the pace?"
Mongia to Joshi "No, yaar. If I try to force the pace against these
bowlers, I will get out. There is only one way by which I can score runs fastly without getting out."
Joshi to Mongia "What is it?"
Mongia to Joshi " You have to bowl to me."

Read more: What Cricketers talk on the pitch

Cricketers in Disguise

After the shameful defeat of Indian cricket team in
final of PEPSI CUP 99 in Bangalore, the team members were not able to
show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and
rather just pack up in hotel rooms.

Dravid could not resist for too long to be in hometown and still not be
able to go out shopping and have fun. So he disguises himself as a
Sardar and goes out. he meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets
him "Hi Dravid!"

Surprised for having been caught he comes back and
makes himself up as a muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet same
again - the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!".

Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another
try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain
- the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!".
Bewildered by now, he could not help asking,

"How did you recongise me?"

The lady replied - "I am Javagal Srinath!"

Read more: Cricketers in Disguise

New Rules for Indian Cricket

1) Declaring the winner: If Pakistan bats first and scores x runs then
the target for India will be revised to x/2. They need to score (x/2)+1
runs to be declared winner. If India bats first then the number of overs
for Pakistan will be reduced to 25. Even after these modifications India
contrive to lose, they will be awarded psychological victory.

2) Fielding restrictions: When India is fielding, as soon as any fielder
touches the ball, it will be deemed as dead ball and Pakistan batsmen
will only be allowed to complete that run. This modification is being
done to eliminate time being wasted for overthrows etc.

3) By popular demand from Indian players, a few additional coaches have
been included in the touring party with immediate effect. They are,
Batting coach : Ravi Shastri
Bowling Coach(with experience in Sharjah conditions) : Chetan
Fielding Coach : Ravi Shastri(Dual responsibility)
TV Commercials Coach : Salman Khan
Video Coach : Name will be announced later

4) As the deadline to submit final 15 players for the 1999 World Cup is
over, the result of the match on 18th April between 1983 Indian team and
the current team will not have any bearing on the team going to England.

Any other suggestions are welcome. We at the ICC would like to
ascertain again our commitment to spread the game of cricket globally, from Mozambique to Maldives and from Turkmenistan to Tibet.

Thanking You.
Yours Sincerely,
Jagmohan Dalmiya

Read more: New Rules for Indian Cricket

Cricket and Divorce

The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG):
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live
with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never
beat anybody !!!

Read more: Cricket and Divorce

Cricketer's Name Acronyms

Cricketers' names and what they really stand for

          Sanath - Swings At Nearly Anything That's Hurled
          Kambli - Killed All Mediocre Bowling, Left Immediately
          Kapil - Killed Aspiring Pacemen In Land
          Sohail - Swore Once, Heralding An Infamous Loss
          Prasad - Promised Revenge Against Sohail And Delivered
          More - Mouthing Obscene Rubbish Everywhere
          Gavaskar - Grafting Away Valiantly, Always Successfully Killed Any Result
          Goes Around Venting Angry Spiel Kicking About Rudely

          Azhar - At Zenith Had Ambrose Reeling
          Azharuddin - Almost Zaheer-like His Artistry, Rivetting Umpteen  ...Devoted  Doting Indian Nationals
          Vishy - Vodka Is Sweet, He Yells
          Tendulkar - Tiny, Exciting, Neverending Dynamo Undyingly Labours, Keeps A Record
          Amarnath - After Many A Reincarnation, Now Acknowledged Top Hand
          Prasanna - Prince Radiant Among Spinners, Astutely Nailed Nimble Attackers

          Bedi - Beautifully Executed Deliveries Indefinitely
          Chandra - Cleverly Hides Another Nagging Delivery Really Accurately
          Shastri - Shall His Achivements Still Truly Remain Interred?
          Srinath - Simply Ravishing Incutters, Not A Ten-wicket Haul |
          Kumble - Killer Universal, Makes Batsmen Leave Embarassed
          Sidhu - Shall I Drop Him Unfairly?

          Mongia - Many Of Nayan's Gatherings Instigate Admiration
          Chetan - Cantering Hurriedly, Ends-up Throwing Another No-ball
          Raman - Remember, All Madrasis Are Nervous
          Amol - Another Mumbai-ite Overly Lauded ?
          Muzumdar - Mediocre Underachiever Zealously Undertakes Many Drives And Run-outs

          Ankola - Another Non Karnatakan Obviously Lacking Ability
          Kuruvilla - Keralite Under Relocation Ultimately Vanquished In Lady Luck's Arena
          Waqar - With A Quirky Ambulating Run-up
          Qadir - Quirky And Dancing In Run-up
          Salim - Silken And Lovely is Malik

          Malik - Making A Little Illegally To Keep
          Miandad - Made India A Nation, Devastated And Demoralised
          Abbas - Another Batsman Better Against Spin
          Inzamam - In New Zealand A Magical Artillery Man
          Afridi - A Fabulous Record In Debut Innings
          Mushtaq - Maybe Under Shane, However Turns Amazingly Quickly
          Saqlain - Such A Queer Loser Against India Nowadays
          Saeed Anwar - Solid, Authoritative, Elegant, Energetic Destroyer And Never Will Act Rudely

          Muralitharan - Makes Umpires Really Anxious; Look Into The Hairy Annals, Read A Newsgroup
          Hadlee - Has Always Destroyed Lesser Experienced Enemies
          Botham - Bat Only To Hit Against Mediocres Brings Out The Hash After Meals
          Lara - Loutish Although Really Amazing
          Richards - Risk In Crises Has Aroused Rare Devastating Shots
          Marshall - Murderous Angry Rebel Shall Harm All Lily-livered Lilies
          Bradman - Brilliant Ruler Always Delighted Many A Newcomer - Bragging
          Rights Always Demand Magnificently Astronomic Numbers

          Gatting - Glutton Aiming Towards Tons In Numerous Grounds
                  -  God
                  that Tweaker Is Never Going |
          Gower - Gifts Of Willow Ever Resplendent Gentlemanly Outlook, Wants Easy  Runs

          Garner - Giant Arms Really Necessitate Extreme Reactions
          Holding - He Often Laughingly Demolished Intently Navigating Grafters
          Border - Boisterous Old Rabbit Downed Enviable Records
          Boycott - Boring Old Yorkshireman Could Outlast Testing Times
          Hooper - Hopes Of Outstanding Performances Ever Ridiculed
          Illingworth - Idiotic Lousy Loser Invariably Never Grasped Worth of
          Ramprakash, Then Hick

          Sobers - Simply Outstanding Batsman Effortlessly Repeats Sixes
                     - Supreme Only Bradman Ever Rated Similarly
          Kanhai - King Amongst Noblemen Hardly Affected Invidiously
          Hughes - Hellishly Ugly Guy Had Excellent Spells
          Jardine - Jeopardising All Relations, Dastardly Introduced Neanderthal  England

          Kalu - Keeping And Lashing Unendingly
          Donald - Don't Overdo, Nearly Another Ligament Damaged
          Rhodes - Rather Hyperactive Oddball Defies Expected Standards
          Wessels - Workmanlike Emigrator Scored Slowly Encompassing Lengthy

          Lillee - Loves Injuring Lily Livered Earnest Englishmen
          Knott - Keeper Number One, Tried & Tested
          Miller - Movie Idol Looks, Leading English Rout
          Twose - Trier Who Only Succeeded Emigrating
          Adams - Another Dasher Against Mediocre Spin
          Browne - Bottom Ranked Of Wicketkeepers Nearly EVER |  Bringing Really Ordinary Wicketkeeping Near Everybody

          Crowe - Can Really Overdo Whacking Everything
          Nash - Narcotics Aren't So Hot
         Hart - Hashish Ain't Really Terrific

Read more: Cricketer's Name Acronyms