Chaman Bhai

Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai.. Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle Chaman Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai....Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game bajayi hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey hain... Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se, style mein, us sey baat karta hai... kuch is tarah se...



Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai?
Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai.


Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein?
Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi.

Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey hua?
Mujrim : Abhi kya na... Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liye aaya...

Chaman : Phir ?
Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha... aur utney mein samney wali building pe apun ki nazar gayi...

Chaman : Aage bol
Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke liye..

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?
Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko.... to apun builidng ke neeche gaya

Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya... apun seedi chadte yehich sochrela tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol
Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola.... kya kaam hai.. kaiko ishara kiya apun ko?

Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech liya

Chaman : (Excited) Phir ?
Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey bol
Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya

Chaman : Accha... Phir?
Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Phir kya tha... Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de

Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ?
Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne a! pna duppata neechey gira diya

Chaman : To phir kya hua ?
Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mommey (boobs) they saali ke...lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?
Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega..... zyada boli to body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka.... Aakhir, "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Toh phir ?
Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya.... sacchi bolta hai bhai aisi katil jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha.

Chaman : Haan, woh to hai.... Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up)
Mujrim : Phir kya tha.... apun ne kiss kiya, mommey (boobs) bhi dabaya.... lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey bol ?
Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di

Chaman : Phir ?
Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey aagey ?
Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di


Chaman : sahi mein?
Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li

Chaman : Accha ?
Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya

Chaman : oh !!
Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha "Chaman Bhai k! a area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : (Getting frustrated)..
Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi

Chaman : (Half Boiling)
Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi..... phir bhi apun yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"


Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey... aagey bol saley....
Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii.....lekin bhai kasam se......main yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"


Chaman: Abey teri to.... Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Ch*daney..... tu aage bol !
Mujrim : Yehich...... yehich - apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai.....aur game baja dala.!!!

Read more: Chaman Bhai

Bill Gates and the Gujju

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.' Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says `kem chho' The other candidate answers 'ek dam majama..'

Read more: Bill Gates and the Gujju

Gujju Jokes

Q :- Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
A :- Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.

Q :- Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A :- The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for 'Kesh'

Q :- What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro States ma gayon" ?
A :- Ramesh's son failed in statistics...

Q) Why did Bill Clinton have the gujju beaten?
A) The gujju told Clinton "You are an IMPOTENT man"

Q) What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race?
A) Tomato KETCHUP.

Q) Why did the gujju go to Rome?
A) He wanted to listen to POPE music.

Q) Why did the gujju go to London?
A) To see BIG BEHN.

Q) Why was the gujju stacking up 1 cent coins on the day before exams?
A) He wanted to get "cent-per-cent" .

Q) What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A) LIGHT SNAKES for breakfast.

Q) What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
A) You are going from BED To VERSE.

Q) Did you know that Gujarati students are going to start a fraternity?
A) They named it Rho Beta Rho.

Q) Why did the gujjus take 50 paise when they went to watch "GANDHI"?
A) They read Atten( 8 annas)-bourough in the credits.

Q) What is a Gujju picnic koled?
A) A snake in the grass

Q) Why did the Gujju wear a Tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A) If he was going to become impotent, he wanted to look impotent.

Q) Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
A) Because he said 'Sue kare chhe.'

Q) Maro dikro Dubai gayo?
A) My son drowned.

Read more: Gujju Jokes

The Gujju and the Arab

An (Bahraini) Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn€™t be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood.

The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.

Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati€™s kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner.

The Arab replied €œBapu€¦..now I have Gujju blood in my veins!€

Read more: The Gujju and the Arab

Gujjus and their Cell Phones

Once 4 gujju wives met at a party talking about their husband's new cellular phones....

First gujju wife says to others... "Maro pati ne pass mota laura (motorola) che!....

Second gujju wife replies.."Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga? errection (ERICSSON) chahiye!....

So the third gujju wife steps up & says..."aree mota laura bhi thick hai, errection bhi thick hai, Par semen (Seimens) nahi to kya fayda?...

And then the fourth said.."Mota laura bhi ho, errecson bhi ho, semen bhi ho, lekin na kiya (Nokia) tho kya fayda??....

Read more: Gujjus and their Cell Phones

The Ventriloquist

A Marwadi guy and a Gujarati guy went out to a very expensive restaurant for dinner one night.

Finally, the waiter came over and asked,

"Who should I give the check to?"

The Marwadi guy said,

"Give it to me. I'll take care of everything."

"Fine," said the waiter.

The next day the headlines read: 'Gujrarati Ventriloquist Strangled to Death'

Read more: The Ventriloquist